Saturday's post

So I made some yummy bread yesterday; whole wheat with flax seed meal, flax seeds and wheat germ. I"m going to have to find a recipe builder online to attempt to find point values for my bread, as I'd really like keep baking bread. Hubby and I are going out to diner tonight to use up a gift certificate we got for Christmas. I figure use it up before it burns a whole in my gut and then I don't' have to use it when I get back on track, as that is when I usually fail. When I get get off track a tiny bit I end up falling off largely.

I keep trying to think of things or treats or presents that will keep me going. Which you know thinking about it the motivation should just come from pure desire to live a healthier, fitter life. But it does seem to help to have something to work towards. I am contemplating giving someone (prob. my MIL) a 'chunk' of $$ (enough that would be uncomfortable if I did not get it back) and ask her to keep it and if by ?? (probably July for a family reunion with them) I don't weight ??? (prob. 210lbs) then she can keep the $$. I have plans for a fall vacation with the $$ so If I don't 'win' it back then I'd be out of luck on my trip as well... and I'd be a tiny bit OK with them keeping the $$ if I didn't reach goal.

But I haven't officially decided on this yet... I just keep 'thinking' about everything. I also noticed that they finally have another WW meeting option here. It was that there was only one; Thursday at 5:15pm. Now there is a Thursday 12noon. Which is better... but still tricky with 3 little ones. I know I probably wouldn't get much from the meeting because I'd be trying to contain my monkeys. Hubby is never home in time to ensure i could get to the evening meeting. So probably just doing it on the blog then.

OK so off to start my Saturday... the usual; cleaning, laundry, meals etc. My life is sooooo monotonous!!

Getting there

So each day I think more and more (and more ++ too) about getting serious about getting back on the wagon. I watched Oprah's show the other day and her talking about how she fell off the wagon in 2008. and it doesn't make me feel as bad. If a woman who has the world at her finger tips can't keep the weight off, or falls off the wagon, than it isn't as simple as we'd like to think sometimes. I also really relate to her theory about it's not a 'weight' issue but other issues that surface as a weight issue. I think for me that certainly can be the case.

I also watch Biggest Lose last night (yes, I do like my telly'vision) and of course find that somewhat motivating. I like how they are sending the partners home to do it at home, to PROVE to us, at home, on our couch that it is doable at home, if the desire is there.

So there is really nothing but myself standing in the way of me reaching goal in 2009. I have to admit it feels better to 'only' have to loose 66lbs as oppose to the 90 I had to lose when I started on this journey in 2007 (YES 2007)...

So I'll let everyone know when I am officially on the wagon. Right now I'd say I am following the wagon... contemplating when to make that leap on board.

Step 1...

I ate oatmeal for breakfast; 1/4 dry with vanilla, 1tbs low cal. syrup and about 1/2 a banana. and it tasted pretty good. I also drank my first large cup of water in an embarrassing long amount of time. (seriously months!!) Funny think is about an hour later I was tiding up and I got really weak/dizzy/light headed and had the shakes. Almost like I was going thru high sugar/high carb withdrawal!! Weird. so I ate some cashews.. then some mini eggs 'cause hubby just bought some bags 'cause they were on sale (forgot to mention I am *trying* to be good.)

Baby steps though. I was reading Colette's blog and it took her about a week to fully get back in to things, as I think it might with me. We don't have a ton of 'non healthy' things in the house (well some minieggs) but just have to veer away from high carb choices. And really start drinking water.

Also another problem I foresee is that I got a Bosch for Christmas from my hubby and I LOVE to bake and now with this new unit I can whip any and everything up effortlessly. but most baking items are not the best for you. I guess I can search out healthy grain breads... but what's the fun in that???

Oh and I am down a little, but these days I know I am fluxing lots due to random eating...

WI

So I weigh'd in this morning... not pretty... not pretty AT ALL. But I have no one to blame but myself so no point making a big deal out of it...



244.6lbs



Jan 1st, 2008 I was 249.8... so still down...barely!!



Thank you for the comments... It almost brought tears to my eye's to see that I had several comments so quickly, that in it's self made me feel good. Thank you.



As for Colette... the sad thing is my inital reaction was food. I love food more right now. THAT'S a problem!!

MJ & Candice... thank you so much for your comments! I liked the quote... I'm big on quotes.. maybe I should write it out and put it on my mirror or something.

The following post is actually a comment I left on a fellow WL (Colette) blogger's site, after she reminded me "Ok you have had your fun. Time to get back on the wagon..."

"Hey Colette, you just can't forget about me can you *smile*. Your opening comment made me laugh, but also be a bit accountable. Why is this SUCH a struggle??? Of course I've been thinking about getting back on the wagon, and I know I so need to in all aspects of it, but I am just purposely not doing it. Almost the opposite...filling my face till it hurts and eating crap when I don't even feel like it.It's affecting all aspects of my life, I am grumpier, no energy, less patient with my family and very low self esteem. I KNOW what I need to do, how to do it etc. but am I doing it? noooooooo. Why? don't know.I am still lighter this year than what I started the year at last year (249.8 last year and about 240 this year.) Yes you read that right; back up to 240. the lowest # I saw this past year was 218. Can you believe that? I let myself gain a solid 20lbs after losing it. If I had gone in the other direction...i'd be where you are sitting... under 200... uhhhhggg.What's a girl to do?"

It's funny I asked "What's a girl to do?" as I know dang well what I need to do... but I can't find the motivation to DO IT. I feel like it's such a cycle, either your on the up swing, or the down swing... and right now I am so on the down swing, and have been since this past July. I don't know if i'm down about everything right now because i'm not doing what I should; or if i'm not doing what I should BECAUSE I am down about everything else (just in a rut with being a SAHM, dealing with 2 toddlers, the mundane house work etc).

and also I hate 'starting up' this time of year because it feels so typical, and everybody's doing it... I don't like following the crowds.