No News is Bad News...

Yup, you caught me. I am offically off the wagon. I'm not sure I can even see the wagon anymore.. and you know what that sounds familular to me..i'll have to go back and see if I already used that one.

So i'm struggling because of vacations/camping, a baby that is back to waking up every 2hrs, beyond frustration with my toddler girls and potty training, and being bumbed out seeing pics of me when I thought I was doing/looking good but realising I look just as [fat] *I hate saying that work* as ever. I feel like I am doomed in the 220's and my body won't let me leave. I know a bit of a pitty party, and I know what i'd say to the person if I was reading this blog and not typing it... but that is where i'm at. My cruise in less than 2m isn't even motivation as I think i'm going to gain 10lbs on it anyways...

So I hope to find the motivation soon, but really i'm not too motivated to find the motivation either....


blahhhhhhhh.

Whooooops

So I said i'd be back... and I guess I kinda forgot....whooooops! So I next morning post-vac. WI was I think...227? This morning I was down to the 224's so getting back in the right zone. I still feeling incredibly 'eaty' meaning I am full but still want to munch munch munch! But trying to be *good* (fruit has been my savior).

So I guess I have a NSV though... while on holidays, I donned the 'ol swim suit.... not the granny boring one I sometimes post before/after pics of but my 'cute ones' and well they were just too darn big! One kept ridding up my but, it drove me nuts! I guess my bee-hind was big enough to hold it down. At one point I got so fed up with picking it out of my a*s that I just let it sit up there. Nice Lara, nice....

My other suit... a cute 2pc 'tankinie' style, well the empire on this is suppose to be tight enough to hold the girls up, well nope. They kept sliding down so they were kinda hanging out of the bottom, then causing the top 'cup' part to ride up. A nice look also...nothing like super saggy boobs on show.

So I went swim suit shopping tonight, just to get something for the cruise in Oct as I doubt I'll find much for swimwear up north here past Aug. So I ended up getting a cute brown number that DEFIANTLY does the girls justice and a more 'normal' black/red jobbie that I can do what ever in and everything stays in place and I still register somewhere on the cute factor. If you're good, I may even post pics :) Oh did I mention my old suits are 20's and the new ones are a 14 and 16 !!! oh yaaaaa baby!

I'm baaaaack (and so are some poooounds....)

Stay tooned for my offical post-vacation weigh in tomororw morning... but I jumped on 'er around lunch, fully clothes and a tummy happy with some morning chocolate... I was 228.2. The morning we left I was 218.8 ...by the way did I mention that??? I'll have to go read my blog and see. but yes I got up early (6am) and ran and came home and WI on an empty tummy and I was 218.8.
Vacation was great! The kids did so great camping, which makes things all the more better! I'll post some pics in a few days!
I also ran a 5k race during the first few days of my vacation and let me tell you, it kicked my A*S! Lets say I need to get off the treadmill and hit the pavement!... and that was the last time I ran... July 26th.. it's now Aug. 5th...

and for the record I didn't bring my scale but I think I should have as it would have kept me in line more... I did good the first day and a half...then it all went to hell.

1/2 Way to a Healthy BMI

Yup today I am half way thru my battle with 'releasing' my excess weight (I don't want to lose it as when you lose something you tend to find it again someday). I have released 43.4lbs so far (since June 07) and I have 43.4lbs to release and I will be in the healthy BMI range!! I also only have 7lbs to release and I will not be considered obese anymore! Whoot whoot!

I'm heading out on vacation tomorrow so prob. won't be able to post much... I'll be back Aug 4/5th and will check in then... I think i'm going to bring my scale on vacation with me...help me keep accountable; am I hard core or WHAT!

Best Run Yet

So I had my best run yet today! I wish I could figure out how to post my little Nike+ running graph! I ran for 50min today--straight--no stopping!!! It felt pretty good, I was determined to run more than 45 which is what I have been doing on a good day. I'm starting to realize how 'fit' I am becoming and it feels great. Shorts I could barley get over my booty last year (and were waaaaaay to tight to actually wear out in public) are loose straight out of the washing machine and soon will be too loose to wear period. I think my back fat rolls are turning in to back fat bumps; meaning that they aren't rolling over now but just still there a bit, kinda a crease under them. I can see my waist line attempting to come out of hiding also.

So we go on vacation on Thursday for 10-14 days. Just visiting the in laws and trying out some camping.. (did I tell'ya all that we bought a new trailer? 30ft, queen bed + quad bunks in the back!). and then finishing off with a family reunion on my step mom's side... but I know I need to stay OP. That little 4 day episode proved that to me. Ya I might be eating all 35FP but I need to be accountable and not just go hog wild. I SO need to get out of the 220's I feel like I've been here for EVER!

Ok my back is getting sore from sitting at the 'puter.. chat later...

Saturday

So I made it to the gym yesterday... and had a good 44min run. Did I tell you guys I got the Nike /Ipod thingy? I quite like it. It's awsome it tracks my work outs, it can even 'train' me if I decide. The weight is slowly coming back down. It really surpirzes me that I can gain that much in that short of time! really I went from 221.8 on Fri. to 227 on Thurs. Can I really blame all that on low water & AF? Or does 5 days of horrible eating really = 5 lbs gained...I think I have to realize I can't just go from one extream to the other (eating totally OP/good to fast food and chocolate all day long). I had a goal to be at 224 for July 1st, which I was... then my next goal was 214 for Aug 1st...ummm I don't think that will happen. and to look back and realize i'm at the exact spot I was at July 1st, and it's now 19 days later... is a big depressing! I guess I still have 2 weeks so I will *hopefully* be under 200 but at the same time we go on holidays July 24th...uhggg.

Back; me and the weight...

So i'm back from my little jaunt the beginning of this week (left sat afternoon, back wed. night) It was busy; always so much to do... and we went specifically for my one dd's Dr. appt. which went well but the test it's self (VCUG) was not fun.

So I ate, and ate and ate and ATE the entire time. Didn't help that af came, I was away from *my* kitchen, my step mom is a great cook, I am week for chocolate and fast food. I don't think I drank more than 1 cup of water the entire 4 days. Seriously. Why do I go so off kilter? I brought my work out gear, but of course had no time to work out. So today at the gym SUCKED as I feel like i'm back at square one.

Plus today was such a crappy day. Just really sucky.. the girls were driving me CRAZY, had me in tears this morning, which I hate and has only happened once or twice before.. some days I just don't like my life very much. Which I hate saying... but it's true. A tell-a-marketer called tonight at bedtime, and I told him, it was bed time and NOT a good time, so he asked if he could call earlier tomorrow, to which I replied "my life is hell right now, no time is a good time." I think he actually hung up on me, after a hurried "oh i'm sorry".
Sorry this is turning more in to a rant... i'll be fine in a day or two once the hormones level out and I get back in to my routine...oh and my back hurts to top it off...oh and I saw 227 this morning. blah.

ok good night....